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 MEN VS. WOMEN

According to AttuWorld.com, it's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a psychologist
15. a pest exterminator
16. a psychiatrist
17. a healer
18. a good listener
19. an organizer
20. a good father
21. very clean
22. sympathetic
23. athletic
24. warm
25. attentive
26. gallant
27. intelligent
28. funny
29. creative
30. tender
31. strong
32. understanding
33. tolerant
34. prudent
35. ambitious
36. capable
37. courageous
38. determined
39. true
40. dependable
41. passionate
42. compassionate

Without forgetting to:

43. give her compliments regularly
44. love shopping
45. be honest
46. be very rich
47. not stress her out
48. not look at other girls

And, at the same time:

49. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
50. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
51. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

While understanding how important it is to:

52. never forget birthdays, anniversaries and arrangements she makes

On the other hand, here's how to make a man happy:

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

FIVE TIPS THAT WILL GIVE YOU A PERFECT MEMORY

(Sun) Scientific research proves that we forget half of what we hear after 30 minutes. But five simple tricks will permit you to remember everything you hear forever:

1. Repeating what you hear as soon as you hear it will move the information from short-term memory into long-term memory. For example, if you're introduced to a stranger, figure out a way to mention her name in the ensuing conversation.
2. The human brain can store no more than seven bits of information at a time. If someone tells you something, chunk the information into small pieces and repeat them to yourself several times.
3. Write information down - even if you don't have pen and paper. Just tracing the words in the air with your finger will etch them in your memory.
4. Listen. When we're in a conversation, a lot of our attention is focused on what we're going to say next and not on what's coming out of the other person's mouth. Pay close attention.
5. Make mental "photographs" with the information written on them.

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THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

1. Why it's good to have five pair of black shoes?
2. The difference between cream, ivory and off-white.
3. Fat clothes.
4. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
6. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
7. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
8. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
9. Other women.

THINGS TO TEACH YOUR SONS ABOUT WOMEN

Here are some things to teach your sons about women:

1. Walk on the outside -- closer to the street -- of your female companion.
2. Saying, "You're being crazy" is never an appropriate response. It will only get you into trouble.
3. Keep backup supplies of quality chocolate in the house for her to raid.
4. Be on time, even if she usually isn't.
5. It's OK to cry in front of her, but keep the blubbering to a minimum.
6. You will never completely understand women.

25 SIGNS YOU'RE HEARING A LIE

It's possible to determine if that person is lying to you just by carefully watching for clues. According to Sheri and Bob Stritof, authors of "Your Guide to Marriage" on About.com, there are specific verbal and nonverbal clues we all give when we tell a fib. While few people would exhibit all of these, it's the rare person who can tell a lie and not exhibit some of them.

1. Touching the chin or rubbing the brow
2. Crossed arms or legs
3. Playing with hair
4. A line of perspiration on the brow if it isn't a warm day
5. Saying "no" several times
6. Continually denying accusations
7. Being extremely defensive
8. Providing more information and specifics than necessary
9. Inconsistencies in what is being shared
10. Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no," but nodding the head up and down
11. Smugness
12. Placing a barrier, such as a desk or chair, in front of self
13. Uncommon calmness
14. Unwillingness to touch spouse during conversation
15. Being hesitant
16. Slouching posture
17. Rigidity or fidgeting
18. Differing behaviors; not acting in a usual fashion
19. Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements
20. Partial shrug
21. Lack of finger pointing
22. Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure
23. Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know"
24. Lack of use of contractions; prefers emphasizing "not" when talking
25. Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while talking.

What if God texted the 10 Commandments? 

Written by Jamie Quatro.

1. no1 b4 me. srsly.
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols
3. no omg's
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. pos ok - ur m and d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. :-X only w/ m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie re: bf
10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.
11. ps. wwjd?

 MOM'S DICTIONARY OF MEANINGS

• Dumbwaiter -- One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
• Feedback -- The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
• Full Name -- What you call your child when you're mad at him.
• Grandparents -- The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
• Hearsay -- What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
• Independent -- How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
• Puddle -- A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
• Show Off -- A child who is more talented than yours.
• Sterilize -- What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
• Top Bunk -- Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
• Two-Minute Warning -- When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.
• Whodunit -- None of the kids that live in your house.

GETTING OLDER

 Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded...
• All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back seat - cause kids.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
• When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
• It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.

EIGHT WORDS WOMEN USE AND MEN SHOULD BE AFRAID OF

• Fine -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
• Five Minutes -- If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
• Nothing -- This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
• Go Ahead -- This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
• Loud Sigh -- This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
• That's Okay -- This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
• Thanks -- A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
• Don't worry about it, I got it -- Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3
   

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Right And Wrong Times To Do Things

Here's the best times to do things, compiled by abcnews.com:

• Work on your most important tasks in the morning. That's because, several hours before you wake up, your body produces the stress hormone cortisol, which increases your blood sugar and give you the energy you need to accomplish difficult tasks.
• Make a presentation at 10am. That's because your voice will be well- rested. Make sure you drink water, and not milk, before you plan on doing a lot of speaking, because milk can increase mucus, which is not good for your voice.
• Take a short break and stretch three times a day. At 10:30 in the morning and 2:30 and 4:30 in the afternoon, do stretching exercises, to loosen up your back and shoulder muscles.
• Use the late-morning hours to think and strategize big decisions. At this time of the day, your body temperature is rising, which means you're more alert and your brain can process information better. Seduce someone at 11:55am. This is when their mood should be at its best, so ask some you're interested in, or already seeing, out to lunch at this time.
• Have a healthy protein snack, like nuts, around 2pm. This will increase your energy and keep you fill until dinner, so you won't be sneaking a candy bar later in the afternoon.
• Have a cup of coffee or take a walk at 3:00 in the afternoon, to help stay more alert.
• Make and return calls at 3:30pm. The caffeine you drank at 3:00 should be kicking in right about now, and talking with people will help revive and stimulate your mood so you can finish the day on an "up" note.

James Cameron changed the original name of two of his films. "Avatar" has been a decade in the making, but for much of that time it was referred to by its working title, "Project 880." Doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "Avatar," right? It's not unusual for filmmakers to do a last minute title switch:

• "Snakes on a Plane" was supposed to be called "Pacific Air Flight 121" until Samuel L. Jackson put his foot down.
• "Titanic"'s working title was "The Ship of Dreams"
• "Annie Hall" working title was "It Had To Be Jew"
• "Casablanca" working title was "Everyone Comes To Rick's"
• "Pretty Woman" working title was "$3,000"
• "E.T." working title was "A Boy's Life"
• "Unforgiven" working title was "The Cut Whore Killings"
• "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" working title was "Dead Toons Don't Pay The Bills"
• "Dogma" working title was "God"
• "Scream" working title was "Scary Movie"
• "Pulp Fiction" working title was "Black Mask"
• "Psycho" working title was "Wimpy"
• "Million Dollar Baby" working title was "Rope Burns"
• "Some Like It Hot" working title was "Not Tonight, Josephine!"
• "The Departed" working title was "Infernal Affairs"
• "It's A Wonderful Life" working title was "The Greatest Gift"
• "2001: A Space Odyssey" working title was "How The Solar System Was Won"